I was two months into my new job in Rio de Janeiro when I asked my co-worker to hand me a hard penis.

His gaze shifted towards me and his eyes paused, narrowed, and a cheeky grin slowly came across his face. Within ten seconds the normally stoic Jose was on the floor, doubled over laughing. “Oh shit,” I thought, “What did I just say?”

It wasn’t the first time I’d made a mistake when learning Portuguese and it wouldn’t be the last. Confusing ‘pão duro’ for ‘pau duro’ (the squiggly line, the tilde, above the ‘a’) proved to be the fatal error – instead of asking for bread, like I had intended, I had asked Jose for something very different.

The nasal tone of the tilde is a critical distinction among many similarly sounding words in Brazilian Portuguese. But no matter how many times I had tried learning the language with audio tapes, YouTube videos, or through immersion, the lesson had never really sunk in until that one fatal error I made with Jose.

I now pay very close attention to the tilde when speaking Portuguese.

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There is a commonly held belief that children learn new languages faster than adults. This is largely attributed to the fact that children’s brains can form new neural pathways at rates far greater than adults – a term known as ‘neuroplasticity’.

Most parents will tell you their kids have brains like sponges – they soak up anything and everything they hear – and are quick to repeat it. Interestingly, kids seem to exhibit this sponge- like behavior in public places where they utter something like “That’s bullshit!” and leave mom and dad looking at one another thinking ‘I wonder who she heard that from?’

I agree with science - a child’s developing brain is far more adept at learning new concepts and lessons than your average adult brain. Consequences are high if they don’t – a child that doesn’t learn concepts of hot and cold, safe vs. danger, ways of expressing their wants and needs, or how to play with others is a child that falls behind, often for life. Brains have to be extremely moldable in youth – it’s how children learn the lessons required for survival into and throughout adulthood.

However, when it comes to learning new languages, I believe the science is overvalued and social factors are significantly undervalued. Adults can learn new languages just as fast, if not faster, than children given the same environment, tools, and social support systems.

Here are a few of the reasons this is true. Some of these I’ve discovered for myself, others are anecdotal:

Fastest Way To Learn a Language: 3 Quicks Tips

1. Adults punish themselves and one another for making speaking mistakes - children don’t.

Children that misspeak, stutter, or call things by the wrong names don’t criticize themselves or laugh at one another – they just move on with life. Adults often think it’s endearing to hear kids speak to one another with such imperfection and innocence.

On the other hand, adults that misspeak, stutter, or screw up are made fun of or feel ashamed or embarrassed. There is no safe environment to practice speaking and to become better without the social stigma associated with screwing up.

The sooner you come to terms with the fact that you will sound completely, utterly, and fabulously stupid when beginning to learn a new language the sooner you will be successful.

Anxiety, embarrassment, blanking out, and stuttering will be the RULE, not the exception. Learning a new language will not be an overnight success. It will take failure and practice.

2. Adults try to learn languages by learning grammar. Children learn language through basic stories, songs, and activities.

About every child in the United States knows the book One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish. If you haven’t heard of it, here is a sample excerpt:

Brush Brush Brush
Comb Comb Comb
Blue hair is fun to brush and comb.
All girls who like to brush and comb,
Should have a pet like this at home.

This is not a book meant to win the Pulitzer prize. Instead, it’s meant to teach kids the importance of simple, basic phrases and words through repetition and rhyming schemes.

So why is it when adults are learning new words that we feel the need to start by reading the translated equivalent of Shakespeare? Does anyone truly enjoy learning about verb conjugations, grammar rules, tonality, and writing repetitive sentences over and over until their hands hurt?

The key to learning a new language is to start simple and work your way up, but to do it through the lens of how a child would learn. Read kids books, listen to kids music, watch kids shows, play kids games. Even something as simple as a game of Tag will teach you a great deal about language and tenses – “I’m it!” vs. “You’re it!” vs. “I was it!” vs. “You’re going to be it!”

3. Adults learn languages because they are forced to. Children learn language because they don’t know any better.

Think about the first time you learned any new skill – let’s take riding a bike as an example. You had to be willing to fall and scrape your knees over and over until you finally learned to ride. As a kid learning to ride a bike was something you needed to do to play with the other kids, and falling was part of the learning curve. It was a way of life, just like having to speak in a certain language with your parents or learn to say certain words because you needed to use them.

Adult speakers of multiple languages often say the best way to learn is through immersion - move to the geography the language is spoken and try not to speak your native language at all. Surround yourself in the language from every angle - before long you’ll start picking language up without even knowing it.

Not everyone can pack up and move to a new country. But everyone can put themselves in situations where they are unknowingly picking up tidbits of a new language and have fun during the experience. Anybody can try meals at new restaurants where the owners/operators speak a different language, search for new Spotify stations that have music in another tongue, or attend local cultural events where someone can learn to appreciate the contrasts and similarities between their language and someone else’s.

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If learning Portuguese taught me one thing it was this: change the environment, change the outcome. I could’ve never become as proficient in a new language without completely immersing myself, making mistakes, and enjoying the experience for what it was - a chance to learn more about myself and others through a common understanding of language.

If you enjoyed this post you might also like to read about the time I got lost in Rio de Janeiro. Scariest moment of my life.

(Thanks to Giuseppi and the Write of Passage gang for feedback on this one)